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Robert Carter was my Aunt Yolanda’s youngest and a senior, too. Robert or Rob as most of us called him was one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. He was a premed student with a passion for medical research.Rob was the only cousin my age and we got along famously. Rob was a tall, slim, handsome guy with a devastating smile. My girlfriends were always after me to set them up with him and he dated a lot. But I knew Robert was either bisexual or in the closet. I knew that because one evening during the summer after we graduated from high school I saw him hooking up with some guy in the big public park on the other side of town from where we lived.I’d been jogging at dusk and turned my ankle, so I’d left the jogging trail and cut directly across the park to get to my car. I heard a noise and peeked through the bushes hoping it wasn’t some mugger or worse. As soon as I saw and recognized who it was and what was going on I snuck around the little clearing they were using and. The only way I can do it is to be very clear that it is a fantasy and nothing more. It never happened.It never could have happened, because it is based on a false premise. For the fantasy to be true, I would have to have had an older brother - and I didn't.In fact, my lack of an older brother is a major element of my life.The reality is that I was the oldest of several children. The fact that I was the first born - and a daughter, not a son - was an irritant to my father. It wasn't how he envisioned his family.As a girl I wasn't - and could never be - my father's eldest son. And yet I was expected to fill the role that he had assigned for his oldest child, the child who was supposed to be a boy. It created a whole host of problems for me - expectations that I could never meet.To be fair, I put some of it on myself, but I can never really parse out how much of it was my own creation and how much was my parents assignment of a role to me.For example, I took responsibility for my.
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